Pesach (Passover)

Prayerfully, hear me out, sister.
Isaiah 53:7 ... He is brought as a lamb to the slaughter
Exodus 13:14  And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come saying, what this? That thou shalt say unto him, By the strength of hand YHVH brought us out from Egypt, THE HOUSE OF BONDAGE.
Acts 8:23 For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness and the BOND OF INIQUITY.
Exodus 12:23 For YHVH will pass through to smite the Egyptians [ people in the house of bondage ] and when he seeth the BLOOD upon the lintel and on the two side posts, YHVH will pass over the door and will not suffer the DESTROYER to come into your houses to smite you.
In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.  Colossians 1:14
Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things... But with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish or spot.  1 Peter 1:18-19
So my belief in Passover is this.  The bread is Yahshua's body that was maimed for us, the juice of the vine is His blood that was shed for us.  (Mark 14:22-25). The bitter herbs (I know most use parsley by tradition, we use horseradish) represent our sin and what was done to Yahshua (the beatings and scourging).  The tender meat of the lamb is the tenderness of Yahshua through it all.  We believe that we must be covered by the blood of the lamb in our hearts so that the destroyer will pass over us when he devastates Egypt, the house of bondage, aka the world of sin.

2015 is 5 years later...Crazyy!

2015 is 5 years later…Crazyy!

Five years ago (in September), I had a job interview for Sales Manager of Kum & Go.  Foot in the door after dropping out of college 2 years into my business degree since I could no longer afford internet…or, y’know, food…?

I was nineteen and my arms were green and scratched up after a long day of hauling pallet jacks and packing my quota of picture frames into xmas displays to ship out to wally world.  I didn’t even have time to shower before the interview.  The man in the suit and tie asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I remember making eye contact with him, they say that’s the right thing to do.  Could he tell how scared I was?

“To be honest, five years ago, I could have given you a definitive answer.  But my life has been turned so upside down this past six months, I’ve learned that life just doesn’t always go according to plan.  I can tell you that I will be five years older and I am quite certain that I will be in a better place than I am today, even if that only means that I am five years wiser.”

Recently I turned on the “facebook memories” option, where it shows your posts over the last five years as a little notification in one place.  By recently, I mean May-ish.  Because that was close enough to July for it to make me nervous but far enough away to give me time to get comfortable with it, to get back in the mind frame before the storm long enough to brace myself for the fall.  And genuinely to look back in awe over how Yah has changed me since what I’ve coined, “the dark times.”

May 20, 2010 – rawr!

June 12, 2010 – KOSHKONONG babyy!

July 9, 2010 – “If my heart quit beating, would it still hurt this much?”  I don’t think this will ever quit hurting.  <#3

A year ago, we were taking pictures of our new $350,000 generator for the newsletter and making plans to add one to the top 8 grossing stores within the next five years.

I am so blessed to be back at Sonic.  While we were stocking cups on my second or third day, I had told a girl I had worked there twice before.  She asked me why I kept leaving. 

“Well, when I was 17, I moved off for college.  And when I was 18, it was right after my dad died and I kinda went crazy for a while.”

And now here I am back, full circle.  Five years.  Five years since we moved out of a meth motel (we stayed to ourselves, but we would hear babies crying and arguments about light bulbs through the walls at night).  But we only moved because a fireman busted a hole through the ceiling right above our room and destroyed everything with flame-killing foam.   Five years since almost being arrested for grand theft auto (it was a big stupid mix up that we were going to laugh about later).  Five years since Shane and Jess died.  

Five years since the mess with mom.

Five years since I chopped all of my hair off.

Five years since James got sick.

2015 is five years later.

And Sonic, with all of its improvements, really hasn’t changed.  But I have.  And so much assurance comes from what Yah is using the experience to teach me about myself.  I’m writing this, up way past what has been my bedtime for roughly the last five years, just enjoying being awake with my beloved.  2015 makes ten years for us. ;)

But for everything else it seems, 2015 is five years later.

I’ve learned that life doesn’t always go according to MY plans.  I am five years older, five years wiser (and wise enough to know that wisdom only comes from The One Who Transcends Time) and I am in such a better place than I was then, full of shalom – wholeness and fullness of peace, walking with Yah, happy wherever I end up. 

Even when I am birthing a wisdom tooth.

“If your presence goes, I don’t wanna stay.  If your presence stays, I don’t wanna go…”

-Shane & Shane, “Without You”

I just couldn’t quit singing that today… :)

Hate This

I would like to start by saying that I have written this under the authority, supervision, and permission of James Powell.

Revision:  We wanted to add the disclaimer that this was written in reference to the world's current definition of the word "hate" as to deeply despise or loathe and likewise acknowledge that scripture teaches us to "hate" unrighteous in terms of literally being "set apart from."

Where is the love nowadays?

I have so many "followers" of Christ on my facebook and yet I get online and every other person is going on and on about how "God hates _____ people" and "you don't love Christ if you don't hate ____."  Have you read what He said at all?

I have heard the argument so much lately that we are only required to love our brother, not sinners.

Matthew 22:39 KJV
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Strong's it.  "Neighbour" means nearby person.  Interestingly enough, though, "neighbour" in Leviticus 19:17 does mean brother when referring to whom we should rebuke.

Matthew 5:16 KJV
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

If we are going around condemning everyone and hating everyone always, in what way is that letting our light shine?  In what way is that glorifying our Father in such a way to lead people TO the Father?

Matthew 5:44 KJV
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Where are we told to hate back?

People have been arguing and arguing that Yah only cares about the righteous.  One, when I was unrighteous, it was the proof of Yah's love for me that won me over.

1 John 4:19 KJV
We love him, because he first loved us.

And worse, people argue that Yah totally hates all sinners.  Then I guess you believe he hates you too?

1 John 1:8-10 KJV
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. [9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. [10] If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

And people argue that Yah destroys sinners so obviously He never loved them.  So if you spank your kid you never loved them?  There are cause and effect rules.  You do this, x happens.  It is not a matter of love or hate in execution of judgment, it just is. 

It is true that no one is justified by the law, we keep the law in obedience because we love Our Master.  But if you are flesh, YOU ARE STILL A SINNER.  Though your righteousness is justified through your remorse/repentance and action to right your wrongs (if possible) and essentially your manning up to what you did. (And I will add for clarification sake that there is an obligation to consciously avoid all acts of sinning AND 1 John 3:4 defines sin as transgression of Torah)

John 14:15 KJV
If ye love me, keep my commandments.

But the Greasy Grace Mainstreamers got one thing right - we aren't perfect and we all deserve death, but Yahshua Messiah gave Himself as the perfect sacrifice to redeem us from that.  Of course, that requires us to repent, turn from our wicked ways, and follow Him lovingly and obediently.

We are supposed to judge righteously

John 7:24 KJV
Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

Note JUDGE righteous judgment, not EXECUTE righteous judgment.  Judging to avoid sin = righteous.  Judging to make someone suffer because they are a sinner = not within our jurisdiction.  Unless, of course, Yah appointed you as one of His judges in which case that is between you and Yah.

I choose not to do things I know are wrong.  When confronted with the conversation of sin, I do not condone things that I know are wrong.  But I'm not carrying a picket sign that says "God hates fags" either.  Which, by the way, if you aim to have just weights, you need to add every pork, lobster, shrimp, and squirrel eater to that, as well as anyone who reads their daily horoscope.  (Note: I believe all of the above are wrong and take a stand on it all in my daily living).

Need I remind that we are to "walk as He walked" (1 John 2:6) AND HE PRAYED FOR HIS AFFLICTORS WHILE THEY WERE CASTING LOTS FOR HIS CLOTHES!!!

Luke 23:34 KJV
Then said Yahshua, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

How does that translate into Him saying, "I hate everyone and so should you!!"

I could go on and on and on.  And if you don't like that I'm not parading around a flaming torch and pitchfork after every Muslim, every LGBT, and every other person we may or may not mutually disagree with, you're free to have that opinion (and likewise free to take your peaceful departure).

You're welcome to correct me if wrong, but I missed the part in my Bible that told me to hate hate hate on everyone who is wrong.  In the meantime, I'm going to continue to read scripture and build my relationship with My Glorious Abba Father and meanwhile, I'm going to do all that I can to let my light shine and prayerfully be a beacon for those who have not fully succumbed to the dreadful darkness that is swiftly closing in more now than ever before.

And it is so easy for me to feel like losing hope when I see how torn this world is, as even the rift between believers is an ever-widening chasm...but I take comfort in The Promises that it will all be made right.

Ecclesiastes 5:8 KJV
If thou seest the oppression of the poor, and violent perverting of judgment and justice in a province, marvel not at the matter: for higher than the highest regardeth; and higher than they.

The Warnings Are Clear

I'll tell you what is really powerful to me as I push to be diligent in my walk with Yah...

Adam and Eve walked with Yah in the garden and still disobeyed Him.

Noah got drunk and his son was cursed because of what happened.  (Note his son was also guilty)

Abraham spoke with Yah and Sarah still laughed at Him in disbelief that she would have a child.

Lot got drunk (after being saved from the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah, mind you) and had two children from incest because of it.

Lot's daughters, after witnessing Yah's salvation from the destruction of Sodom and Gommorah, were so afraid of what would happen next (lacking faith in He who saved them from something that I am sure was much more fearful than the wilderness they now faced) that they got their dad drunk and seduced him to "save the human race."

The Israelites lost faith in their journey numerous times...and they saw the parting of the Red Sea!  They gathered and ate the miracle Manna!  They witnessed Yah on the mount and saw how Moses's face shone!  It only took them 40 days and 40 nights alone to make a golden calf!!

How many times through 1 & 2 Samuel and 1 & 2 Kings and 1 & 2 Chronicles did Israel get put into bondage for their transgressions?  In Nehemiah, they had just barely rebuilt Jerusalem and they were already screwing up!

Yah's beloved David fell to temptation of the devil (YHVH rebuke him) and numbered Israel.  He fell to temptation of Bathsheba and adultered and murdered!  (Though he was punished and saved through repentance)

The most wise to ever live, the glorious Solomon, the author of the great and wonderful Book of Proverbs, went word for word in the direction against Deuteronomy 17:16-17 and turned his back on Yah and worshiped idols and sacrificed to other deities in the end of his life.

The apostles walked with Yahshua and not only saw His miracles but PERFORMED miracles themselves!!  And yet Judas betrayed Him.  And Peter denied Him.

After all of these years, humanity has not changed.  So often people use these examples to comfort themselves and others in their shortcomings, but I heed them as warnings.  That if Adam and Eve and Noah and Lot and all of ancient Israel and David and Solomon and Judas and Peter and all of the others in scripture could mess up, SO CAN I.  Someone made a point to me that Yahshua knew who his betrayer was and knew who would deny Him.  He also knows if I should betray Him or deny Him and I pray so often that I won't be one to do so.  Each of these examples in scripture are of people who witnessed more than I may ever witness in my lifetime and they still went the wrong way...and so can I.

So often today we hear preached about Yah's mercy and His forgiveness and He is merciful and He is forgiving.  But He also gave us plenty of warnings.

Matthew 10:22  And ye shall be hated of all for my name's sake, BUT HE THAT ENDURETH TO THE END SHALL BE SAVED

Dear Abba Yah, Heavenly Father and Mighty Blessed King,
As I stand before you as your humble servant, I pray that you might allow me to always remain humble before you and before your creation and that I might always interact with Your creation with love and compassion as you would see fit, Father.  I pray that you will help me to fortify myself in you and in your word and that I might have the courage and the strength to move when you tell me to move.  That I will have the wisdom to quench not Your Ruach, Your Spirit, Father, when you descend upon me to move in my life, Father, and also that I might have the wisdom and the courage to acknowledge and right my own wrongs, Father.  I also pray that I may never deny you, that I never turn away from you, that I never disappoint you, Father.  And I know that You know if I will and if I am one that endureth not to the end for whatever reason I do not understand, I am sorry for hurting You.  Please help me to always continue in Your Paths, Father, in Your Will and in Your Way and please help me to silence and deny my fleshly desires that interfere with my following You.  Please never let me lose sight of who You are, the Creator of all things, the One who is above and in charge of all things, the Judge of all things.  Please don't ever let my faith falter in Your strength, Yah, and Your infinite wisdom, Yah, and in your promise to eventually right all wrongs.  I love You, Father, I praise You, Father, I worship You and You alone, Father.  In Yahshua's Beautiful, Merciful, Saving, Gracious, Glorious, Holy Name I pray, HalaluYah!

#StampOutStigma

Over the course of two years, we moved about 11 times.  Our home was broken into twice, we lost most of everything we owned about 8 times.  We lost (they died) my dad, his mom, our best friends/roommates/bandmates, and about 4 others. We were homeless 3 times.

January 2011
My husband was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and Panic Disorder.

Most of our friends were scared of these big words and abandoned us.  If memory serves me, one even said that "James just needs to pray harder" and that was obviously why he was sick.  And that really hurt my husband (and REALLY upset me).  I wonder how many diabetics, cancer victims, anemics, or Alzheimer's patients are abandoned by friends and family and then accused of "not being a good enough Christian?"

To this day, I don't know that I have ever met another with a bigger heart than my husband's and he passionately walks in obedience to Yah's word and he is a better husband than I could ever have asked for.

And he still has paranoid schizophrenia, PTSD, and panic disorder.  And he has good days and he has bad days, just like everyone else.

People fear what they don't understand, but the things they say in the process HURT people who are (often) already hurting.

#StampOutStigma

2nd Commandment

Exodus 20:4-6 KJV
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of that is in heaven above, or that in the earth beneath, or that in the water under the earth: [5] Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I Yahveh Elohim a jealous El, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; [6] And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

Leviticus 26:1 KJV
Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I Yahveh Elohim.

Deuteronomy 4:16-19 KJV
Lest ye corrupt, and make you a graven image, the similitude of any figure, the likeness of male or female, [17] The likeness of any beast that on the earth, the likeness of any winged fowl that flieth in the air, [18] The likeness of any thing that creepeth on the ground, the likeness of any fish that in the waters beneath the earth: [19] And lest thou lift up thine eyes unto heaven, and when thou seest the sun, and the moon, and the stars, all the host of heaven, shouldest be driven to worship them, and serve them, which the Yahveh thy Elohim hath divided unto all nations under the whole heaven.

Froward Lips and Idle Words

Proverbs 4:24 KJV
Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.

Perverse - Strong's 3891 - "lazuth"; devious
Froward - Strong's 6143 - "iqqeshuth"; deceitful

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Proverbs 10:32 KJV
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked frowardness.

Frowardness - Strong's 8419 - "taphukah"; perverse thing

According to Google, synonyms of "perverse" include contrary, obstructive, and wrong. An older definition traces back to the Latin pervertere, later perversus meaning "turned around" and later became, in Late Middle English, "perverse," meaning "turned away from what is right or good."

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Matthew 12:36 KJV
(Yahshua speaking)
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

Idle - Strong's 692 - "argos";  lazy, thoughtless, unprofitable, injurious

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So basically don't be devious, deceitful, contrary, obstructive, wrong, lazy, thoughtless, unprofitable, or injurious in speech.

That's not too hard, right?

It requires lots and lots of diligence and we are warned numerous times throughout scripture to beware our mouths and tongues as they are very difficult to control.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my life's most difficult challenge.  Let me put it to you straight, I've always been a talker.  (And just to clarify, even a man of few words may have a problem with this depending on what few words he chooses).

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As a child, my mom would spank me pretty fearfully (I wasn't abused as a child, but praise Yah I was raised with discipline!) IF SHE CAUGHT ME LYING.  I could get away with a lot of other things, but a lie, my dear...the Bible is pretty clear about.

As an adolescent, I had learned how to speak manipulatively - that is, without lying but with the intention to mislead.  And it's so easy to do!  Diligence and lots and lots and lots of self-discipline has helped me improve tremendously in this respect, though no man is perfect.  I now try to correct the situation when I come across a pitfall.  I make myself make it right and write it off as necessary humbling, because it isn't always easy to admit I messed up.  It's not easy to admit to myself, let alone coming clean to Yah and whatever person was involved. 

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As a small child, I made a kid cry once.  With something I said.  As a teenager, I tried to make people cry (if I didn't like them, of course and sometimes when I was feeling contrary).  Even before coming to faith and truth, this was one of the first to go for me.  Though anger can still sometimes be difficult to deal with, it didn't take a degree in rocket science to see what kind of destruction those kinds of words reaped - lost friendships, lost jobs, even divorces! (Praise Yah I never really took it past the losing a friend part, though a job may have hurt less long term)

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And then there is possibly the most harmful harmless of all - the idle word.  Yes, that sneaky little bugger that slips from my mouth when trying to make conversation or fill awkward silences.  The one that has no purpose but to fill gaps that aren't necessarily in need of being filled.  Or perhaps to make up for not paying attention - like when another poor, word-afflicted soul took too long to tell me about something (maybe I was waiting on customers when they were talking?) and I absentmindedly reply with a "cool" or "oh yeah," maybe "totally?"  And maybe I totally just second witnessed something that I KNOW BETTER but wasn't paying attention.  We are taught pretty young that if you can't keep up, you ought to be ashamed.  "Wing it and no one will ever know," the world feeds our egos to protect our pride.  Or maybe I totally just oh yeahed someone into a divorce, or suicide, or agnosticism.  I may never know, but Yah knows.

Recently, I experienced what I believe Yah used to teach me a valuable lesson.  To protect the identity of others, this is a little vague but prayerfully the point remains intact...

I was talking to a friend about something I was going to fix the right way.  The friend tried to talk me out of it, said it was easier to shortcut with a different method.  But that method was expensive, dangerous, and not guaranteed to work.   They argued that it was hard work my way.  (I wouldn't deem it hard, though certainly not easy per se).  They said I'd get my hands dirty.  (I had gloves and antibacterial soap).  Finally, in all confident surety they exclaimed, "But you'll have to ______ in order to do it and you could break it in the process!" 

Aha, dear friend, this is something I have done before and _____ is not required.  I looked at that friend a little differently, they still aren't sure that they spoke a lie, admitting only that I might be right.  I looked at myself differently.  How many times have I done the same thing?  I may never know.  Well, until it is time for me to account for those idle words (Matthew 12:36).

What's worse, what does this do to my witness?  If I speak wrongly about something with surety, how does anyone know they can believe me when The Ruach (Spirit) uses me to speak right?  How can an acquaintance even discern for sure that I have influence from The Ruach if I've been known to lie?

I've heard it argued that it isn't a lie if you didn't know it was wrong at the time.  But if I'm speaking about something I have no knowledge or authority on, KNOWING I have no knowledge or authority, aren't I lying simply in action by speaking as though I do?

Deep stuff. 
I doubt that anyone can ever get it right (Yahshua being The Only Obvious Beautiful Glorious Exception).  But I also doubt that I will be thinking much of anyone else when Our Wonderful Creator, Mighty In Power asks me, trembling before Him, to explain myself.