Yah Is A Painter: What the hell is my problem?

October 16, 2011

What the hell is my problem?

Yeah, when I'm upset I write. And most of the time it doesn't make sense. I swear I've gotten so good at playing my roles that I don't even know me anymore. And what I mean by that is that while I hurt so bad in every meaning of the word right now, nobody has a clue...not in the slightest. Yeah, I've revealed my weaknesses now and again, but I can't - not I don't want to but quite literally am incapable of revealing how depressed I really am. Which I suppose is good to an extent - I'm able to remain stable and function as a normal person in society, but there's no one that knows how close to the edge I am nor anyone to reach out and grab me when I go to fall, But I have to be this way because people count on me, rely on me. I rely on me.

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A Glimpse Inside/Disclaimer***

I'm weird and I love it. I also love my life, my cats, my job, my family, my friends, and everything else under the sun that I've been blessed with.

I super duper love my wonderful husband. He means more than the world to me (Matthew 19:6, Genesis 2:24) and I always try to be the best wife (Genesis 2:18) I can possibly be. I honestly try to do whatsoever my hand findeth to do with my might (Ecclesiastes 10:10) and heartily as to the Master and not unto men (Colossians 3:23).

More than anything, I love Yahweh with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my might (Deuteronomy 6:5), with all my strength and understanding (Mark 12:30).

I read portions of my Bible (Genesis 1:1-Revelation 22:21) every night,

I am odd about a few things. I won't say "God" or "Jesus," I use their real names, "Yah" (Psalm 68:4) or "Yahweh/Yahveh" (weh/veh=suffix regarding honor/reverence) and "Yahshua" (shua= to save).

I follow Torah. And not the Jewish Torah, but I live my life in Yah's statutes and judgments (Leviticus 18:5) as outlined in Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. I keep the feasts of Leviticus 23, I keep the clean foods of Leviticus 11, and I sanctify the seventh day Sabbath as directed in Genesis 2:3, Exodus 16:23-30, and Acts 15. And with Christ as my Saviour, I do not believe the law (Torah) died with Him (Matthew 5:18).

I always wear a headcovering because of the command of 1 Corinthians 11:5, the respect of 1 Corinthians 11:8-9, and the witness of Numbers 5:18.

My Facebook is more personal than most environments that most people will find me in. I think about, talk about, and praise Yah in everything, diligently, in all that I do. (Deuteronomy 6:7) And while I try to cast not my pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6), I'm almost always up for discussing The Word.

I don't believe in Xmas (Jeremiah 10), Easter, or Halloween (Deuteronomy 12:30).

I haven't always known all of these things as truths. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 directs, "Prove all things, hold fast that which is good." I apply this to my life as I learn and grow and try to live in the Word, in Yah's will rather than my own.

This is my disclaimer to scrutiny and, if as many before you, you hate me because of it, I'm sorry. Yahshua warned, "If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before you." (John 15:18)

While I judge within my life righteously (John 7:24), I'm not here to judge (Matthew.7:1).

Did I mention that I also love people? :))

Words to Live By

Yahweh on my side, I will not fear: what can man do unto me? Psalm 118:6
Better to trust in Yahweh than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
Thou my hiding place and shield: I hope in thy word. Psalm 119:114
Behold, El my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid for Yah Yahweh my strength and song he also is become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2
But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you. Matthew 5:44
...neither cast ye your pearls before swine... -Matthew 7:6
O Yahweh, truly I thy servant; I thy servant, the son of thine handmaid: thou hast loosed my bonds. Psalm 116:16
And he said to the woman, thy faith hath saved thee, go in peace. Like 7:50
This the day Yahweh hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Oh how I love thy law! It my meditation all the day. Psalm 119:97
Order my steps in your word and let not any iniquity have dominion over me. Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts. Make thy face to shine upon thy servant and teach me thy statutes. Psalm 119:133-135
Search me, O El, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts. And see if wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 119:23-24
Set a watch, O Yahweh, before my mouth. Keep the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3
But seek ye first His kingdom and righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Therefore do not be anxious for the morrow, for the morrow shall take care of itself. Sufficient unto the day the evil thereof. Matthew 6:33-34
He that receiveth you receiveth me and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me. Matthew 10:40
We are the light of the world and a city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Matthew 5:14
No man when he hath lighted a candle covereth it with a vessel or putteth under a bed but setteth on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light. Luke 8:16
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do do with thy might. Ecclesiastes 9:10
Quench not the Spirit. Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things, hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:19-22
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart and a good conscience and faith unfeigned. 1 Timothy 1:5
Let all your things be done with love. 1 Corinthians 16:14
And let us not be weary in well doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not. Galatians 6:9