Everyone is chewing their food, briefly looking around, trying at small talk until a conversation starts up. There are more of us than usual today and I'm on the far end of the table when I'm usually three chairs down between the one across from me and the one not here. I forget who was even sitting beside me today, I just took deep breaths and prayed calmness in Yah. People aren't 100% my strong point. I genuinely love every person in that room, but people aren't 100% my strong point.
Everyone looks at me. "Well, it's actually really complicated. And it really is just personal reasons, I really don't judge anybody for their personal decisions. Ummm several reasons...like...they support abortion."
I feel kinda the same way I did when I was 12 and I was on stage in the spelling bee, rapidly signing every word under my long sleeves. Breathe. Pray.
Computer guy chimes in, "Nope, I don't really know that they do, I think that's a crappy argument because there is no actual proof that they do, I argued about that with some guy on Facebook. Try again."
Me: "They don't refute it."
Office girl 1: "So, you won't pay into anyone that doesn't speak against abortion?"
Me: "I don't donate to any, no."
Office girl 2: "That doesn't mean anything."
Me: "Its really just my personal..."
The boss pops up, "You don't pay taxes? You know your taxes go to abortion and other bad things.."
Me: "I don't have a say in that."
Boss: "Yeah you do, work and pay taxes, don't work, don't pay."
Me: "I kinda love and need my job."
Office girl 3: "You know, Kara's uncle had ALS and he..." Carries on with someone else...
Eyes on me.
"I mean, donating is great but I've known a lot of people that suffered from one thing or another and me donating to a big organization didn't make any impact on their life at all. But helping with medical bills..."
Eyes on me.
"It's a waste of water."
Someone Else: "But you shower?"
"Well, I have religious reasons too..."
Someone Else: "No really it's not a big deal."
Everyone breaks off into small conversations. Guy One and Guy Two are loudly debating with Office Girl 3 about why it's okay for two girls but not for two guys to be gay.
Guy 2: "Dayum, if their hot more power to them!"
End of the Table: "I just think if I had to have ice water poured on my head, everyone should have ice water poured on their head at least once because that shit was so cold. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have ice water poured down the back of your head?"
"Yes, I do."
"You do?" He sounded doubtful but let it go.
--
I prayed this morning, "Please don't let me accidentally lie." I meant it. I never would on purpose but how easy it would be sometimes to nod my head and mislead someone.
Looking back this evening at what I've done today, I question myself there, at lunch. The ALS challenge, do I really know what ice water down the back of my head feels like? Oh please, Yah, let me not to have lied.
Memories of cold water...swimming as a kid, playing in water hoses...cold water on hot days in bathing suits...I don't think that's quite the same thing...
Cold showers. Back when we lived in our old house. I had an electric skillet (but no way to pour it) , a teapot, and a microwaveable bowl. The coffee pot brewed too hot and it was so cold that winter, you could never brew water got enough or fast enough to have a bath.
I'd put the heater in the bathroom a good hour before. Then right at the hour marker, I would warm up the teapot. I'd go in the bathroom and turn on the hot water. It was actually cold water but I figured the water sitting in the cold water heater would still beat water coming from the ground.
I'd point the water as far down as I could, hold my breath, and flip my head over. Just think of how nice and warm that water is gonna be when you rinse...
Ice cubes. Like liquid ice cubes down the back of my head...
Praise Yah, I didn't lie today!
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