Quitting Smoking Ramble

Soooo...we're quitting smoking (this is like our 4th or 5th time, I think) and I'll be honest, I feel like I'm killing a friend.  See, I've been smoking for about 9 years now, been at a pack a day for about 6 years.  All of my friends smoke.  I smoke when I'm sad, mad, happy, excited, angry, hungry, full, in the car, first waking up, cooking, cleaning, talking on the phone...pretty much anytime I change activities unless I'm at work.  And cigarettes have always been a very good friend.  They're a form of meditation of sorts...they calm me down, make me less nervous...when I hide behind a cigarette, I don't feel as exposed.  Okay, so I've got like serious anxiety issues without cigarettes.

...BUT...

We're quitting because they're so expensive.  We spend $200+ a month on cigarettes, easy.  And how much will we be spending when Missouri taxes go up?  It's ridiculous.  And I'm already starting to breathe better and my sense of smell is amazing and it's only been 4 days.  I did the nicotine lozenges at first, but I didn't have any nicotine yesterday, so 20 or so hours, and there will be no more nicotine in my blood....for the first time since...well, for the first time in a long time.  And I'm pretty sure it's good for our cats if we quit.

They say I'll have more energy once I quit, but right now, I'm feeling more fatigue...but I've barely quit, too.  And, I'll be honest, my teeth feel cleaner.  I know that's weird...but they really do, not that they felt dirty to begin with.

And for my final epiphany.  I really hate meth and cocaine and all the other drugs that ruin people's lives.  And I mean I hate it as in I hate what it does to people and society, not I hate it as in personal preference because I wouldn't touch the stuff at gunpoint.  But I got to thinking...how are my cigarettes any different, really?  I mean, they don't make me lose my mind or act insane (though perhaps slightly nutty when I'm having a nicotine fit) AND they're legal, but still...I feel as though I can't live without cigarettes sometimes.  Honestly, under normal circumstances, I would honestly sacrifice everything short of bill money and cat food for cigarettes, even when I only have half a tank of gas and my shoes are almost falling apart.  I would sacrifice a bathroom break for a cigarette if the choice came down to it.  I will avoid certain places and people JUST BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN'T SMOKE if I don't.  How is that any better than any other drug that I am so strongly against?  God made tobacco, but did he necessarily intend for my life to revolve around the inhalation of it and numerous toxic chemicals and carcinogens that were added to it by man?  I seriously doubt it.  The effects of cigarettes may not be as obvious or occur as quickly as those of meth, but cigarettes will eventually ruin my white teeth...eventually age my young face...eventually take my breath away and weaken my heart, as they have already started to do, I'm sure.  Why should I pay money I work so hard to earn so that I can be a slave to a friend that is killing me slowly?  That's no friend of mine...